Just Be Cool, Okay?

I’m going to take a brief turn from my normal entry of calling out the opposite sex for being lame and turn on my own sex for a second.

I have one really huge pet peeve that has developed in the last few years. I don’t know what changed, because I don’t remember it being this bad a few years back or maybe I was too drunk to care, but when in the world did women become so rude to each other? I mean, I’m not one of the friendliest people you will ever meet, but I’m not a raging bitch to people for no reason. I’m usually really nice until you give me a reason to hate you. But being in line that’s 10 women deep waiting for a restroom in a downtown bar that has only one stall (obviously planned out by a man, idiot) I don’t know why all the women waiting need to be such bitches to each other. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting to meet my new best friend in line (I have plenty) but at least I don’t need chicks standing almost on top of me, digging into my back with their purse while they have total disregard for me as a person and just stare at me like I’m a piece of dirt on their stiletto. Who the crap are you? Why do you look at me like you are so much better than I am just because you are wearing a trendier outfit that I am? To quote Mr. Rodney King or whomever said this during the trial or riots or whatever; can’t we all just get along? And just be somewhat civil to each other? We all go to the same bars, shop at the same stores, and get hit on (or in my case not) by all the same guys. I would kind of understand the rudeness if I decided to go to a lame-o Hollywood club where I know I have nothing in common with any of the barley dressed um, “ladies” but come on, if I’m at a bar (or dive bar because I love me those too) that’s pretty cool at the moment, and I’m surrounded by women that I kind of have the same style as, or I’m looking at their outfits wondering where they got that shirt or really cute dress or thinking, “Gosh, I love her hair, if I were to cut it I would cut it like that” you know that we all might have a few things in common and there is no need to be such bitches to one another. Life is hard enough, and there’s so much crap in this world. Can we all just make a pack to just not add to the flinging of crap and all JUST BE COOL, okay??

Darn You Ryan Gosling *Waving Fist in Air*

I’ve stated in my posts before that people are always asking my why I’m single. I have many theories to why I am, but one reason I know for sure. It’s simple, the majority of men in the Los Angeles area are extremely, painfully uninteresting. You would think that I am only saying this because I am a bit picky and have too high expectations considering the fact that my Dad happens to be one of the wittiest people I have ever met and can make me laugh with just a look or because my latest ex (even though our relationship had um, problems) was one of the funniest person’s I have ever known in my life. We had this ability to be so stupid silly together and he always made me laugh (hard) even through the shit. I suppose that was why we even stayed together as long as we did. We had this intoxicating effect on one another and in a room full of friends we’d be the only ones, trying to “out laugh” each other. It was a constant comedy show and I have the videos to prove it. Not dirty videos FYI.

So with all of this said it comes down to this, are the men in this town completely uninteresting, egotistical, self righteous elitists? Or do I just expect too much? Do we have Hollywood to blame? Giving us ladies movies like The Notebook, when a man is good looking (Ryan Gosling the man of all men) has his shit together (or in this movie, comes from being super poor to rebuilding a plantation house in the south, hello!) and then not really having a job (he doesn’t work in the rest of the movie, but I don’t think that part was explained, or it was and I was just too busy staring at his beard to notice) but the whole time being super witty, making his funny’s, taking her on boat rides through swans (come the f$%& on) building her a room where she can do her “art” and then living happily ever after until she gets dementia and has to move into a nursing home where he follows and then they die together laying side by side. SERIOUSLY!!!???? Just by typing all of this I’m getting pissed. Guys in LA won’t even by a lady a drink! I go out every weekend with my friends, and not once has a guy approached me and asked me what I would like to drink. Ok, wait I’m getting away from the original blog, so I need to revert, more on guys not buying drinks for ladies in next week’s blog.

It’s like we’re stuck with two different guys in LA. The actor type that is witty, funny and somewhat interesting, but works as a waiter because they are trying to hit it big and seem to always think there is something better around the corner, so they would never want to settle on a non model with an awesome personality and a real job. Or the type that has a job, they’re either a banker or a lawyer, they make a good living and know what they want out of life, but they are as boring as a new born baby. (No offense to my mommy friends) there’s just no happy medium, except for my guys friends that all seem to be a perfect combination. Problem with that though, is I don’t want to date any of them.

All of this said, I would much rather be single and having a great time with my friends than waste my time on some lame-o that has nothing cool to say just so I can say I’m in a relationship. But that’s just the opinion of my friends and me. Some people (I blame society) think those women who aren’t in a relationship regardless of the reason, are just sad little bitter pathetic spinsters. When I think, we are actually onto something. Woman who can decide not to be in relationship because they don’t want to settle or waste their time with losers are actually way better off than women who stick around with jerks just so they can be in a partnership. When in turn if you are with a jerk that treats you like crap, it’s not actually a partnership. It’s a sad pathetic situation that you’ve become stuck in.

For now, I’d rather hang out with my friends, drinking in bars and making out with random hotness.Heeeyyyy-oooo

Valentine's Day Massacre

To show everyone that I am not a bitter Bettie, I will start my Valentine’s Blog with a story of my favorite Valentine’s Day. I really can’t be a bitter Bettie, because I have a wonderful life, friends and family that love me and a cutie pie 21 year old who sends me equally as cute valentine cards (ya he sent two can he be any cuter?)

A few years back I was in the first real relationship I had up to this point (sad cause I was 31). He was the most wonderful, caring, loving, boyfriend I had ever had. He took care of me when I got my nose done (I’m not going to lie and say I had a deviated septum, it was big and I didn’t like it) he surprised me with a trip to Vegas because he WANTED to meet my parents and they were there on vacation, he always took me and picked me up from the airport. On top of all that he actually liked to spend time with me (WHATT????) He was the bestest boyfriend ever! So when Valentine’s Day rolled around 5 months into our relationship, I knew it was going to be a goodie. It would also be the first Valentine’s Day where I wasn’t dating a complete loser so I was double excited about it.

***Disclaimer- my parents have given me a 2 pound box of See’s candy since I was born on top of a few Jr high and high school years when they gave me flowers too. They have made my Valentine’s Day awesome since the day I was born and all of my crap Valentine’s Day were carp boyfriends, not my parents***

About a week before Valentines Day he had told me that he wanted to make my Valentine’s Day super special because he knew all the ones before him were complete crap, so he had made plans and was going to surprise me night of (I know, awesome right?) I was excited! I couldn’t believe that I had finally hit the boyfriend jackpot and wondered what awesomeness he had in store for me. Then it happened, two days before Valentine’s Day he received a call from his brother that their dad was sick and he needed to come back to Chicago to help out and leave right away. Ahhhh are you kidding me? Can this really be happening to me? What horrible timing. Yes, I know super selfish, his Dad was dying and all I could think about was my first real Valentine’s Day. So within a few hours, he was off to Chicago and I was left with my crappy roommate (my last roommate had the personality of a wall).

So Valentine’s Day arrived and I went to work where I shared an office with 1 engaged chick (engaged people are so annoying especially on VD) and another chick who was practically engaged, lame-zies. They were both gushing about whatever they got from their men (both guys were complete douchebags) and what they had planned for that night, barf. Boyfriend called me that morning to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day and tell me he loved me blah blah blah, but I admit I was super bummed! Then at around noon, his best friend came into my place of work with a giant bouquet of flowers! He said that my boyfriend asked him to bring them to me. It was the sweetest most considerate thing anyone had ever done for me (minus the perfect childhood my parents gave me) and the fact that he was dealing with his father on his death bed, made it even more awesome. He came back a few nights later and we celebrated with dinner and other fun things. His Dad did end up passing away the day he came back to LA, boyfriend turned into a total freak from it, dumped me a few months later and proposed to his 22 year old girlfriend 2 months after we broke up.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The Rise of the 20 Something Year Olds

I had been keeping a secret from the people I love the most in my life because I wasn’t sure how they would all respond to it. It’s not something I intentionally did, I just felt like what was going on with me wasn’t something I really needed to share with everyone and potently get crap for. It’s not like I was lying, I just wasn’t saying anything. And at that point there wasn’t really anything to tell anyway.

After a few weeks of keeping this to myself, and feeling like I was going to burst all over the place it finally came out. I don’t remember exactly who it came out to first and in what manor it did, but it was out. And the more it was out the more I realized that I wasn’t the only one.

I am having a flirtation/texting affair with a 21 year old boy, I mean man. Phew, there it is. Out loud and on paper. When it first came out to my friends, I received a bit of “Ewws” and “Wow, really? He’s like two”. The worst actually came from my guy friends, which I guess is to be expected. They’re all in their 30’s (or almost) and to hear about one of their best friends, being a 35 year old independent chick, to be carrying on like this with a 21 year old must have been a bit upsetting. I got made fun of, a lot. Which to me is always a bit humorous because if they were to have the same type of situation (I call it situation because there is no term for what he and I are doing) I would equally make fun of them and they would equally be all about it.

So with me coming out of the 21 year old hot closet, I noticed that I am not the only one. But they’re doing much more, these 30 something year old women are actually dating the 20 something year olds. And I think it’s awesome. I am the first one to admit that if my text hottie lived in this state (oh I didn’t mention that he doesn’t live here?) I would totally be dating him and loving every second of it.

When I was 22 years old I remember thinking the guys that were my age who were dating older woman were all freaks and the lady must have been a desperate hot mess. I mean, why else would a woman that old want to surround herself with immature fella’s that know absolutely nothing about life and women? But now being said hot mess (which I’m actually NOT a hot mess) and all of my friends too (also NOT hot messes) I’m realizing that they were totally onto something. Men in their 20’s are awesome. They text you out of the blue, they’re attentive, they think you are a goddess and they don’t play games. I receive texts from my really really hot texting/flirting/whatever he is 21 year old everyday with doozies like “You’re really pretty” and “how is your day going” and “I would love to hang out with you right now” I mean COME ON, 35 year old men would never do this! They won’t even text you back before 3 days (damn you Swingers for putting this into the head of my male generation). My 21 hotness (Have I mentioned he’s really hot?) gives me more than a beard and non-beer belly with zero love handles; he gives me the attention I deserve from a man. He thinks I’m awesome and he isn’t afraid to tell me. And in the end isn’t that what ladies just really want from men?

My roommate described 20 something year old men as, and I quote, “They are like an untapped natural resource”. That they are my friend, that they are.

Creeper Confirmed

I am constantly asked why I am single. First off I hate this question because what is it supposed to mean exactly? I mean are people asking me this as in there’s something super hidden about me that sucks and guys usually find this out after the first date and that’s why I’m single? Or do they say it because they think I’m so super awesome that any guy would be so lucky to have me and can’t believe that someone hasn’t snatched me up yet? People think (and when I say people I mean my friends) that a chick like me in no way should be single. For starters, I have a great job that I’m really good at. I’m funny (so I’m told), independent, have great friends and a very healthy relationship with my parents. I’m just the right amount of needy and I’m a bit corky (not as in the show Life Goes On). Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’m pretty cool. So you would wonder why with all of these wonderful qualities why I am still single at the age of 35. Well, I’ll tell you why, because I pull crap like this:

About 6 months ago I developed a kind of large crush on a guy that was “doing business” at my place of employment. From the first moment I saw him I was smitten. He was totally my type. He’s tall with sandy brown hair and pretty brown eyes, or were they blue, no wait brown, whatever. I knew from the first second I saw him I needed to make him my boyfriend. We would be perfect together, as far as I could tell by looking at him we had lots in common (like he’s hot and wears a super cute sweater vest). After several months of him coming to work on a weekly basis I did everything I could to get his attention. I played coy, then involved myself in meetings he was in even though I had nothing to do with that department, I flirted, I’d wear my pencil skirt and tight dresses every time I knew he was going to be in (otherwise I’d stick to jeans and pedal pushers) I went so far as to pose in the hallway if I knew he was going to walk by. By this point everyone at work was well aware of my big giant crush. One of my friends at work decided it would be her mission to get us together. She thinking (what I had been thinking all along) how could he possibly not have interest in you?? So she very slyly asked him to go out for drinks with a “bunch” of us at work. He not knowing the “bunch” would consist of her, me and another guy from work (we didn’t want to be too obvious). So we all settled on a place within walking distance to work and away we went. At first he was a bit confused as to why there were so few of us out of an office of 30 but I’m pretty sure he started to catch on. Through the course of the evening I was my normal witty self. Super outgoing with so much to say! I even pulled the “hand on knee” move a few times, heeeyyy. He seemed to have interest and after the evening came to a close my fellow coworkers and I thought it was on. The next day I sent my follow up email thanking him for buying us all drinks and signing off with a “Hope to see you again soon”. Not too direct but as forward as I could ever be. Thinking he would quickly respond with a “oh yeah it was so much fun, let’s hang out just the two of us and eventually get married have 2 kids and golden retriever” you can imagine my disappointment when I received a response not 1 but 2 days later with a “yeah, it was fun hanging out with everyone”. What is this!!!! How could he not immediately fall for my awesomeness? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he gay? There must be an explanation other than he doesn’t like me, cause that would be absurd.

After a few more months his participation within my work palace (yes palace) became less and less. I thought for sure by this point that he was being a mature adult and just didn’t want to get involved while we were kind of working together. Besides the not asking me out part he seemed otherwise interested. He would find some way to touch me every time he saw me, he would laugh at the funny things I said, I would catch him looking at me for long periods of time for no reason, the signs were all there gosh darn it!

So after months of him not making a move and me starting to become a little obsessed with the fact that he WASN’T interested in me my friend decided (bless her) that she was not about to let this go so fast. She decided to set up one last “dinner and drinks as a group!” to see if once and for all we could force him I mean see if he liked me.

So the night of the “Dead Man Walking” dinner came and I picked out my best outfit yet. This way he could see me in something other than my work attire. He just needs to see me outside of work and I’ve got this. The beginning of the night was a little awkward, once he arrived and saw that we were already sitting in an obvious configuration that forced him to sit next to me, he was a little on defense. Cool, I thought he was thinking already that I’m a super creeper. But after a few drinks and a bit of weird conversation things started to loosen up. He started to sit a bit closer to me, and flirt a bit more. He was headed on the track of falling madly in love with me. The two other friends were talking about something and in deep conversation when crush decided to playfully grab my phone and begin going through my pictures. At first I didn’t think this in anyway could be a bad thing. I mean what more do I have on my phone but a few pictures of my friends and I being drunk? After about 100 pictures (how was he not bored by now??) he got to a picture that I had completely forgotten about. A picture that was sent to me by a coworker as a joke and I had left it in my phone not ever thinking in a million years my crush would one day be going through it. It was a picture of him taken from one of our galleries. After a second of what I can only assume was him trying to figure out if that was actually a picture of him on some random girls phone he looked at me and simply said “hey that’s me” The mortification immediately sobered me up and I for once in my life was at a loss for words. How do you get out of something like that? How do you explain that? I had no clue what to say and I simply grabbed my phone and mumbled a bunch of crap. The night ended about an hour later with the coworkers going home and crush I’m sure not wanting to be left with now confirmed creepy girl. And that was it. I never saw him again. Granted it was just a few months ago, but I decided to take that night as a solid, he’s just not that into you.