Creeper Confirmed

I am constantly asked why I am single. First off I hate this question because what is it supposed to mean exactly? I mean are people asking me this as in there’s something super hidden about me that sucks and guys usually find this out after the first date and that’s why I’m single? Or do they say it because they think I’m so super awesome that any guy would be so lucky to have me and can’t believe that someone hasn’t snatched me up yet? People think (and when I say people I mean my friends) that a chick like me in no way should be single. For starters, I have a great job that I’m really good at. I’m funny (so I’m told), independent, have great friends and a very healthy relationship with my parents. I’m just the right amount of needy and I’m a bit corky (not as in the show Life Goes On). Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’m pretty cool. So you would wonder why with all of these wonderful qualities why I am still single at the age of 35. Well, I’ll tell you why, because I pull crap like this:

About 6 months ago I developed a kind of large crush on a guy that was “doing business” at my place of employment. From the first moment I saw him I was smitten. He was totally my type. He’s tall with sandy brown hair and pretty brown eyes, or were they blue, no wait brown, whatever. I knew from the first second I saw him I needed to make him my boyfriend. We would be perfect together, as far as I could tell by looking at him we had lots in common (like he’s hot and wears a super cute sweater vest). After several months of him coming to work on a weekly basis I did everything I could to get his attention. I played coy, then involved myself in meetings he was in even though I had nothing to do with that department, I flirted, I’d wear my pencil skirt and tight dresses every time I knew he was going to be in (otherwise I’d stick to jeans and pedal pushers) I went so far as to pose in the hallway if I knew he was going to walk by. By this point everyone at work was well aware of my big giant crush. One of my friends at work decided it would be her mission to get us together. She thinking (what I had been thinking all along) how could he possibly not have interest in you?? So she very slyly asked him to go out for drinks with a “bunch” of us at work. He not knowing the “bunch” would consist of her, me and another guy from work (we didn’t want to be too obvious). So we all settled on a place within walking distance to work and away we went. At first he was a bit confused as to why there were so few of us out of an office of 30 but I’m pretty sure he started to catch on. Through the course of the evening I was my normal witty self. Super outgoing with so much to say! I even pulled the “hand on knee” move a few times, heeeyyy. He seemed to have interest and after the evening came to a close my fellow coworkers and I thought it was on. The next day I sent my follow up email thanking him for buying us all drinks and signing off with a “Hope to see you again soon”. Not too direct but as forward as I could ever be. Thinking he would quickly respond with a “oh yeah it was so much fun, let’s hang out just the two of us and eventually get married have 2 kids and golden retriever” you can imagine my disappointment when I received a response not 1 but 2 days later with a “yeah, it was fun hanging out with everyone”. What is this!!!! How could he not immediately fall for my awesomeness? Does he have a girlfriend? Is he gay? There must be an explanation other than he doesn’t like me, cause that would be absurd.

After a few more months his participation within my work palace (yes palace) became less and less. I thought for sure by this point that he was being a mature adult and just didn’t want to get involved while we were kind of working together. Besides the not asking me out part he seemed otherwise interested. He would find some way to touch me every time he saw me, he would laugh at the funny things I said, I would catch him looking at me for long periods of time for no reason, the signs were all there gosh darn it!

So after months of him not making a move and me starting to become a little obsessed with the fact that he WASN’T interested in me my friend decided (bless her) that she was not about to let this go so fast. She decided to set up one last “dinner and drinks as a group!” to see if once and for all we could force him I mean see if he liked me.

So the night of the “Dead Man Walking” dinner came and I picked out my best outfit yet. This way he could see me in something other than my work attire. He just needs to see me outside of work and I’ve got this. The beginning of the night was a little awkward, once he arrived and saw that we were already sitting in an obvious configuration that forced him to sit next to me, he was a little on defense. Cool, I thought he was thinking already that I’m a super creeper. But after a few drinks and a bit of weird conversation things started to loosen up. He started to sit a bit closer to me, and flirt a bit more. He was headed on the track of falling madly in love with me. The two other friends were talking about something and in deep conversation when crush decided to playfully grab my phone and begin going through my pictures. At first I didn’t think this in anyway could be a bad thing. I mean what more do I have on my phone but a few pictures of my friends and I being drunk? After about 100 pictures (how was he not bored by now??) he got to a picture that I had completely forgotten about. A picture that was sent to me by a coworker as a joke and I had left it in my phone not ever thinking in a million years my crush would one day be going through it. It was a picture of him taken from one of our galleries. After a second of what I can only assume was him trying to figure out if that was actually a picture of him on some random girls phone he looked at me and simply said “hey that’s me” The mortification immediately sobered me up and I for once in my life was at a loss for words. How do you get out of something like that? How do you explain that? I had no clue what to say and I simply grabbed my phone and mumbled a bunch of crap. The night ended about an hour later with the coworkers going home and crush I’m sure not wanting to be left with now confirmed creepy girl. And that was it. I never saw him again. Granted it was just a few months ago, but I decided to take that night as a solid, he’s just not that into you.