Later 2011 and Take Your Lame With Ya

2011 had a few ups and downs. It didn’t start off exactly the way I thought a good year would. New Years Eve party was a blast, had the typical “I don’t want to be alone the rest of the year so I have to make out with someone” make out session. The next day had promise to be a great year considering anything would have to be better than the last 2 years of my life. Which consisted of losing the love of my life to a 22 year old, losing my job because of stupid management, finding another boyfriend who then lost his mom to the awful cancer, not finding a job in the horrible economy, losing the other boyfriend (which was actually the upswing of the year) finding a job that was beneath me and pay that would not allow me survive on my own to then getting a huge promotion that was no longer beneath me but the pay stayed the same (how the crap does THAT happen??). The end of 2010 had evened out a bit so of course I thought 2011 is going to be AWESOME!

New Years day 2011 the day of wonderful promise where you feel like you can do anything because you have a fresh new start for me started with the flu. Knock down, wish I was dead, I’ll never feel well again flu. Out the entire first week of the New Year ok, not a good start, but it’s only January 7th right?

By the end of January I was over the flu, but then my body decided to move right onto a Kidney Infection. Oh cool, thanks body. Not only was I sick sick sick, the kidney infection landed me right into the emergency room.
The first half of the year, with its sickness, being way underpaid, dating a few peeps you think will last a bit until poof they’re gone without explanation, still severely underpaid, and having an upstairs neighbor pay for sex that you have to listen to night after night started to somewhat turn around in August.

I received the wonderful opportunity to move in with an awesome friend for $400.00 less a month, in an area of the city that has my beautiful hipster bearded fella’s I love to look at, I received a pretty decent raise, work had the best event sales in 3 years (which means there’s a little more respect given to the only woman manager, me) and my parents had decided to move back to Vegas, which mean's driving distance. Some people my age may not see this as an upswing, but I actually really like my parents.

So with all this leading into 2012, let’s hope it stays on the upswing. Here’s to health, happiness and a wonderful 2012 for everyone! If not, maybe the mayans were right and it will all just be over in 11 months anyway.

My favorite tights match the carpet.

Four CD's I'm obsessed with this week:

1) Cults-Cults
2) Beirut-The Rip Tide
3) Best Coast-Crazy for You
4) Real Estate-Days

Listen and you will thank me

Every Guy Thinks They're Vince Vaughn

My weekend ended with me sitting on the couch, drinking wine and enjoying (for the millionth time) Wedding Crashers. Within the first 15 minutes of the movie watching Vince Vaughn do what he does best (Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me), it dawned on me. I have been told by many men on many different dates, that they in fact “are funny like Vince Vaughn”

The first time this was ever “declared” to me, I didn’t really know how to respond. I think I said something like “really?” As in really you’re telling me this like it’s a well know fact? And really you think this of yourself and just said it out loud? My first instinct was to say “Ya I’m sure you are. Aren’t all men?” all stupid girl wide eyed, but instead I took it with a grain of salt and thought maybe this one guy was lame enough to really think he was funny like VV and to say it out loud. The second time I heard it was on another first date (mind you they never get past the first date) and it was said to me like the first guy, like it was a well-known fact and in deed all women love funny guys so there for you will fall madly in love with me cause I’m “funny like VV” I mean, where the crap do they get this stuff? Are people telling them this? And if so who are these people? Is it an ex-girlfriend? Is it their buddy’s during a night of drinking after they stick celery sticks up their nose? Or does EVERY man just think they are funny like Vince Vaughn?

It’s also always the men that actually are NOT AT ALL funny. The kind of man that has the sense a humor of a 12 year old boy. Who still laughs at farts and like I said previous, sticks celery up their nose.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a fart joke but to me that’s just not funny. It’s not Vince Vaughn funny. Vince Vaughn has the ability to be funny without even really trying that hard. His facial expressions are enough for me to laugh for a straight 15 minutes. He has this wit that can’t even be explained, yet is so cool in Swingers that he really made funny hot.

But here’s the thing, Not only are these men thinking that are funny like Vince Vaughn but they are expressing it. Out loud. To other human beings. And in these said dates, how do you keep a straight face upon hearing this? For me, being funny and having really funny friends (yes my guys friends are really VV funny) this kind of claim isn’t gonna fly with me. And the first moment you are surrounded by my friends that actually are funny, you will be eaten alive.

I mean I hear frequently that I look like Jennifer Aniston, but hello I’m not going around on dates announcing to men with a drink in hand, “Did you know I look just like Jennifer Aniston?? Yeah, I’m totally as hot as her” I mean COME ON! And PS, I know I’m totally not hot like Aniston, I just have a few features that resemble her (like the nose).

So here ya go men, the jig is up. NO you are not as funny as Vince Vaughn, nor will you ever be. So stop thinking it and for the love of God, STOP saying it. Yes women love funny men, I would take that over looks any day and I have in fact dated a VV funny guy. But here’s the thing, those guys are few and far between and the funniest of guys certainly don’t claim it on a first date.

Day one a few too late

Day one of new hair color experiment, except that I'm a few too late. In real land we are day four. But the last four days I have either been at a 3 year olds bday (hello you know where I'm going with that) party or at a girlfriend’s beer party where there were no new men. There are never new men I have realized and I settle on hanging with the ones I've known for 12 years (I'm not at all complaining because they make me laugh and I adore them)
It was at the beer party that my single girlfriends and I started discussing the fact that the men we have been dating/making out with and or crushing on in the last few months are all young. Very young. I had a brief yet very pleasant "run in" with 21 year old hotness a few weeks back and have no shame about it. I'm proud, proud of the fact that I am 35 years old and the 21 year olds still want a piece. After going around the room talking about our young men, Jenny said it best "Of course we have to date younger men, all the ones our age are married or crazy" We have no choice, and I will leave it at that.

Pre Experiment

Before

Little experiment

Pre Experiment:
I currently have blonde hair, very blonde. I'm also a fan of hipster men, big fan. I reside in los Feliz which is the hub for the moustache, skinny jeans, look like they just walked out of 1905 awesomeness hipster men. Every weekend when I go to the loca bars in my hood, they are infested with the men I would love to date. So what is the problem you ask?? The problem is that all the hipster men I love, love other hipster chicks and I my friend am so not one. I like to wash my hair, I have a professional career and (ready for it) I like to wear what I want to wear, not items that are just "cool" or "retro". On top of all the nonhipster things, I'm also blonde. Blonde blonde blonde. Don't get me wrong, I am so not the barbie type, not even close. I'm even finding that even I am too hipster for the non hipster men. Yes, I wear my wayfair raybands like there is no tomorrow! But as hipster girl I am not.

Of course all my friends think I'm "a catch" (who's friends don't??) and do not understand why at 35, I am still single. So we have of course come to a really easy conclusion, it's because I have blonde hair. Yes my friend that has to be the only reason me 35, great career, independent, cute, funny as all get out, non-needy, with equal women and men friends is single! So with all this said, tomorrow I will be dying my hair. Starting Thursday morning I will begin my experiment of how many quality men will hit on me with the reddish hair color hipster men can't get enough of.