Flirting or Restraining Order?

My girlfriends and I last night ended up going to see Val Kilmer’s one man show of Mark Twain, which was pretty interesting to say the least. Before the show we went to a pretty popular restaurant on Melrose to enjoy drinks and food as well as enjoyable conversations. After two of the ladies that are in relationships talked about the many wonderful things about being in a relationship (gag) the conversation turned to me and the other singleton. This week (unlike all the many many weeks before) I actually had something to contribute. I posed this question among the table of the chicks: When does the flirting become throwing yourself at someone? I have found something out about myself in the two years that I have been single (or let’s say 6 months cause that’s the amount of time I’ve actually liked boys again). I have two buttons, yes yes please and eww no thank you. I can’t seem to find the happy medium between the standoffish and the throwing myself at people. A few years back I read the book “He’s just not that into you” and I think instead of helping me with my crazy mind set, it actually made me crazier. When I first laid eyes on the book I thought it was genius! Of course, if a guy doesn’t look at me twice than its obvious that he’s just not that into me, duh. But as the years went on, and I got into a relationship with someone I had been friends with for a while I had totally forgotten about the book and all of its contents. After that relationship had ended I kinda jumped into something with someone else that I had again kinda known for a bit (see a trend, yeah I’m getting there). So again for the next year and a half I didn’t have to think about that concept any more than I would have to think of having a baby or something. So I lived my life not thinking that I would ever again (or not for a while at least) have to analyze the crap out of men and their actions towards me.

By the time I was single again, I was so messed mentally from my ex (both actually did a number on my self-esteem in different ways) that I actually had no desire to date or have anything to do with men that weren’t my friends or my Dad. So I lived the first year and a half of a singleton not paying attention to men, not noticing the cuteness men, not caring at all to put any effort into anything that involved a male and mostly not even flirting with men (which says a lot about me because I am a big flirt regardless). So now in the last 6 months I’ve actually started to notice men again and have had actual interest in a few (few as in like two). But with the few that I have had interest in, I’ve had the problem of either being super cold or super too much.

I blame my behavior whole heartily from the book I read so long ago. If a guy does not give me exactly what I want the first second I meet him, I’m out. Without another thought of him, I quickly write him off as if he was someone I passed on the street. Problem being, I am not nor have I ever been the type of chick that can automatically get a guy’s attention (like in the movies) at the first look. Men don’t see me from across the room and think “Oh who IS that beautiful creature” I’ve always been (and completely always aware I am) the type of girl that the guy becomes friends with and then somewhere down the road they fall madly in like with me. I don’t know what it is; I have this delayed reaction spell over men. It normally takes 3-6 months of friendship before a guy starts to see me romantically. This has happened with every single person I have dated. They were all friends of mine first, or on a few occasions had a big crush on one of my friends and then somewhere down the road they say to me “oh wait, you’re really cool” and then end up liking me. It’s always kinda sucked for me, because if I really like someone and it takes them the 6 months to reciprocate I’m usually totally over them by the time they figured out how rad I am, and on to the next guy that won’t like me for 6 months. It’s like a big giant lame cycle. So you see why the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” would be a bit of a hindrance on me. The men now a days need a little push anyway, so when does the flirting become too much and it’s time to back off? It’s like the question of the century. When I asked my fellow chicks this question at dinner they all just kinda looked at me and said “I don’t know”. Will we ever know? Is this something that has to be based on a certain situation? Or do I just flirt and flirt and flirt until I either get what I want or find a restraining order on me?