Thought of the Day: Babies or Allagash?

I’ve started taking a poll on what people think my problem is. And so far this is the consensus I've received: I may be a little too successful in my job position for men to appreciate. I know it sounds like a total excuse for a not so cute chick to use on why she can’t find a decent man to date, but with me it’s for real. I mean I’m not a super model (or regular model) but I’m not uggs either. And besides, my parents say I’m pretty. So, obviously I’M not the problem.

Now when this was first brought up to me (hello I didn’t come up with this idea, other people did so duh I’m not super conceited) at first I thought this was a ridiculous idea. To think that men are actually that shallow, that they would never consider dating a woman that is more than or equally successful in their job position as they are, is a disgusting thought! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought, growing up as a child of the 80’s watching my mother every day strut her stuff out the door to an office, wearing her shoulder pads with pride and contributing a good amount of cash for my sister and I to have all the Guess? Jeans and Esprit clothes we could imagine would this not be adored or even sought after in the 2000’s! My Dad never seemed to have any kind of issue with my Working Girl mother (yes my Dad is not like most men and is super freaking rad) Even Melanie Griffith glorified the women’s working movement so well with that awesome movie I watched over and over thinking all the while “that’s what I want when I’m old!”.

A chick that makes her own money, has her own life, and doesn’t nag on you a million times a day (because she has employees to nag on) sounds to me like it would be a man’s wet dream. All I ever hear from guys is how much they hate it when women are needy, doesn’t have their own friends, makes you pay every time you go out or nags on you every chance she gets (said with my super whinny “man” voice). I do none of the above, yet I feel like every time I’m talking to a guy in their 30’s as soon as they ask me what I do (and I actually tell them the truth) I get a “oh wow that’s cool” followed by a disappearing act. Not to knock all men. I’m just finding that it’s men 30 and older that seem to have a bit of a problem with my success (and by success I mean I have people that work for me and I run a Department. That’s’ right, A WHOLE DEPARTMENT!!! (said in my Ramona Quimby Age 8 voice). The men that approach me that are in their 20’s high (28) and low (21) actually think it’s an asset (or just normal bc that’s a totally different generation). A guy friend of mine tried to explain it like this, he said (and I quote) “There’s a simple reason for that. Men you are meeting in their 30’s who don’t have their shit together, obviously don’t want to be with a woman that does have her shit together. Men in the 20’s think that they have plenty of time to get their shit together so they don’t see it threatening when a chick already has her shit together” Said by a 30 something year old, so he would totally know right?

Is it that simple though? Have I been analyzing the shit out of men with my girlfriends over beer and facials for years and years for it to be that F-ing simple? So you are now probably thinking “well if that’s it, why she doesn’t just find someone in their 30’s that already has their shit together” well that unfortunately is almost unheard of in Los Angeles. Angeleno’s (yeah I’m embarrassed that I just called myself an Angeleno, gag) are about 10 years off from the rest of the country and things that 25 year olds are doing everywhere else we are doing at 35. Besides all the men in Los Angeles that already have their shit together are as follows: my friends, married (or almost) or gay. It’s a nice thought, but gets me nowhere.

I now have two choices. I can begin to only date men in their 20’s (yeah baby) or lie about what I do (my mother says I’m the worst liar ever, I turn bright red and then burst out the truth seconds later. This was a huge problem in high school). But dating men in their 20’s bites you in the ass because of the comment I made earlier about us being about 10 off from the rest of the US. My clock is a ticking (I tend to ignore it) and would maybe like to have a baby in the next few years (question mark?) Or not have a baby, but still have the choice. But the window of time where I still have a choice is rapidly decreasing (hello I’m 35). Okay, It’s obvious that it's that time of month for me cause that’s the ONLY time I actually think I may want a baby. The rest of the month I’m drinking.

So there we have it, men in their 30’s are scared of me and men in their 20’s don’t want to (maybe) make babies in the next few years. So for the time being, I’ll just order another Allagash.